Today is August 1st. Where has the year went. I can't believe that it is already time for kids to be thinking about going back to school. There are only 5 more months left in this year. I am going to be 30 in 5 days. Not scary, just weird.
I remember being a kid and thinking of how old 30 was to me. I just wanted to be old enough to watch myself, then old enough to work and drive, then old enough to get out of school and home... Now, I wonder what is next for me and how can I slow the time down. I look at my kids and I can't believe how big they are. They aren't really babies anymore. I look at them and I am so proud of the kids they are and hope that I am a good example to them because I want them to have the best and not make the same mistakes that I did. I have been thinking about these things alot lately. I have also been thinking alot about the choices I've made and the consequences (both good & bad) that followed.
I don't regret what I have done in this life because it has made me who I am, but sometimes I wonder how things would have been different if my choices were different. I even keep myself up at night worrying about what I'm doing and what I need to do. I admit that it is now consuming me and I'm so worried about what I'm doing that I'm missing so much. How do I slow down? How do I just enjoy the blessings that I have without always wanting more or something different? Sometimes I get so down and feel so bad because I feel like at this point I should have some direction in my life and I really don't. I don't have a job, and I have no idea when/where I will get one. I'm worried sick about death, whether it is my own or that of a family member, I have this constant anxiety of bad things that happen or even could happen. I seriously make myself sick and I don't know why.
This post is so random, but I just had to get some things out. Maybe now I can get some sleep...or maybe I will worry some more. Who knows. But I am thankful to have a wonderful family and the best friends. I am so grateful for God and Christ and I pray everyday to be a better mom, wife and overall person.
2 comments:
I think we all have those same fears.. Don't let fear over take you! It isn't easy cause so many things are scary in this world, but you just rely on faith to get you through.. Everything will be okay and somehow you will survive. It is hard to understand death, but it is part of life, not an easy thing to accept, but you know the plan and it brings comfort! Good luck with the job thing. I am sure one will come along! I am excited for you and your family to be sealed. That will also bring comfort and peace!
I worry myself SICK about the same things. I've even driven myself into a full blown panic attack before - over something RIDICULOUS that could literally NOT happen, yet there I was worrying about it.
I have to say "mini prayers" constantly and ask Heavenly Father to calm my mind. Because my heart knows everything is and will be okay, no matter what, but sometimes my mind forgets. ;) Love ya!
Post a Comment